Jealousy Hurts

Saturday, October 09, 2010

(via tumblr)
I've been thinking a lot about jealousy lately. I've been in several relationships where jealousy ruined what positive feelings I had towards the other person. I've dealt with jealous friends and co-workers before. I've felt that unjustified jealousy bubble up inside me towards a talented friend or acquaintance. I think that jealousy is an extremely complicated emotion. And a little bit of it definitely goes a long way.

The thing about jealousy that really gets me is how sneaky it can be. Have you ever felt negativity toward someone without even realizing that you were jealous?? I definitely have. I think that it's very easy to envy someone who is successful or happy rather than supporting and praising them for their accomplishments.

I believe that jealousy is toxic in relationships. I know that a lot of people say that a little jealousy is good in any relationship, but I don't agree. I think of jealousy like a forest fire. It starts out as a little flame and soon the entire forest has burned down in a blaze. I'm not saying that you aren't going to feel jealous, but I believe that it's not fair to the other person in your relationship if you make them feel bad for your own insecurities. I think that the best way to approach your jealousy is to analyze why you are feeling jealous in the first place. There is always a good reason deep down why you are feeling jealous. It's just hard to see sometimes when you're feeling that awful pull on your stomach and the bubbling jealousy emerges.

 I also think that it's not necessary to always share your jealous thoughts with your significant other. I know that some people feel the need to talk out all of their worries and problems, but constantly hearing that your significant other is jealous starts to get old. Jealousy also brings up serious trust issues that you may not be ready to deal with. A lot of times, it's easier to analyze and deal with your trivial jealousy on your own without burdening your partner. If you constantly tell them that this or that made you jealous, they will start to feel responsible for the jealousy. On the other hand, if it's a serious jealousy issue it might be necessary to talk it over with your partner. I think it's important to do a lot of thinking and analyzing prior to discussing your problems. You don't want to jump into a discussion with a lot of irrational insecurities fueling your argument. That will just turn your discussion into an argument and could hurt your partners feelings.

All of these thoughts about jealousy have made me ask myself: why do we get jealous in the first place??

And there isn't a simple answer to that. It's complicated and it's different for every person. For me, my jealousy comes from my fear of being inadequate. I struggle with jealousy at times when I meet someone who has talents or ambitions that are similar to mine. I have become very aware that my jealousy stems from my own issues and doesn't have anything to do with the people in my life. That has helped me to deal.

One thing about jealousy that really bothers me is how it cause women to hate each other. Women are so mean to one another, and we don't always realize that we are doing it. It's been wired into our brains by society. If you meet a women who seems to have it all, there are probably a ton of women who hate her because they are jealous of what they think she has that they don't. While this way of thinking is the norm, I just can't condone it in my life. I want to support, encourage, and praise all the women in my life when they succeed. If you think about it, a lot of times when someone treats your badly or doesn't like you, it's because they are jealous of you. How stupid is that? Really? It's sad to think that a lot of relationships and friendships have been ruined because of something as stupid as jealousy.

What are your thoughts on jealousy, Love?

Do you have any advice on how to deal with it??


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12 Quirky Comments

  1. Great post, I completely agree - I hate it when I find myself jealous of one of my best friends when I should be happy for them. I just try and (like you said) understand why I am jealous and analyse it and hopefully that helps not to be jealous,

    Skippy xxx

  2. I love the honesty and truthfulness of this post. And your first pic brought back so many memories. I had that poster up in my room as a kid with the boy and girls. ahhhh. good luck girlie.

  3. I completely agree with you. I know I'm prone to the green monster and have to be really cognizant of it in my relationships. Part of it is some major trust issues (which I try to be upfront about with my partners) but I agree that telling someone every time jealousy comes up is a little over-kill. Also, it may allow you to get away with thinking, "well I was honest about it so I don't have to do any internal work and I can leave it to them to reassure me." I think the best thing to do is talk about your trust/jealousy issues when you're having a secure day (your partner/friend/sibling/etc. can be a good confidante) but, when these fears actually arise, finding the underlying reason and getting over it in your own head is often the best bet.

  4. jealousy is wierd. it can sneak up, but if you don't think bad thoughs its not there. being angry is the core of it all. i really like all your pictures in this post btw.

  5. I'm so glad that you posted this! Our discussion about jealousy made me start to think too. Your thoughts about relationships and friendships was so awesome. I think that most people don't realize how bad jealousy can ruin a relationship. Your boyfriend is definitely a lucky guy! Glad to hear that you are happy after everything you've been through, girl!!

  6. Oh, I might write a post about jealousy for my blog too if you don't mind!! Let me know!

  7. This is so true, unfortunately. Jealousy between girls is a nightmare. I've experienced it - I know what it's like to be jealous of someone, and I know people who are jealous of me. I think it's too hard to be friends with someone who is constantly jealous... because you can never be honest about everything, you have to hide some things from her... but really, why should you?

  8. Very refreshing post. I heard the best quote on jealousy..."Jealously is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere"


  9. I just started reading your blog and I am really enjoying it. I have been learning these things in the last few months myself. You put it all into words so well. I have the same goals for my life as you, so it's nice to meet a kindred spirit. Thank you for sharing and helping me feel connected to humanity in a real way. :)

  10. This is a wonderful post. And I feel the same way! Women should stick together and support each other NOT hate each other. It bothers me when random women out in every day life give me evil looks...just because I am another female who exists. How irrational society can these ladies be?! And I always say to hater girls who give me mean looks "Hating me won't make you prettier." I am not like that and I do NOT hate other females so it hurts when random women around my age look at me with hate.


  11. 4 Love is kind and patient,
    never jealous, boastful,
    proud, or 5 rude.
    Love isn’t selfish
    or quick tempered.
    It doesn’t keep a record
    of wrongs that others do.
    6 Love rejoices in the truth,
    but not in evil.
    7 Love is always supportive,
    loyal, hopeful,
    and trusting.
    8 Love never fails!

    Everyone who prophesies
    will stop,
    and unknown languages
    will no longer
    be spoken.
    All that we know
    will be forgotten.

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8
    (PS loved this post)


Thank you so very much for your lovely comments!