Life As A Shy Girl

Thursday, March 24, 2011

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Life as a shy girl...is pretty rough sometimes. 

I have blogged about shyness a few times before, and I always feel like there is so much more to say afterwards. I follow several bloggers who are outgoing & extremely extroverted. I love reading about their lives and adventures, but I often wonder where all the shy introverts are hiding in the blogging world. While I'm sure there are plenty of shy bloggers, I think it is a rare thing to find a shy & introverted blogger who is willing to share their struggles and experiences openly. That is the main reason why I enjoy writing about my own struggles with shyness. 

As most of you know if you've been around here for a while, I'm an extremely shy girl. I have struggled with shyness since I was a child. When I was younger, I often thought my shyness was something I just had to get over. While that has been partly true for me as an adult, I have also come to realize that being shy is part of who I am as a person. I can't just change who I am all of a sudden. 

I'm writing about shyness based on my own experiences. I'm not an expert on dealing with shyness, so please don't hesitate to ask for professional help if your shyness starts to interfere with your daily life. 

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Outgoing people just don't get it...and they never will. I have had countless discussions with my outgoing & extroverted friends about shyness. The reason extroverts don't understand the paralyzing affect shyness can have on a person is because they don't have the same inhibitions. It really upsets me when someone tells me to just get over it and stop being shy. There was once a time when I use to find myself envious of my outgoing friends. I have slowly come the realization that I have to accept myself the way I am, shyness and all. I feel like asking myself to stop being shy is like asking a dolphin to stop being a water mammal. It's just not realistic. 

There are some benefits to being shy...such as the fact that people have to work a little bit in order to get to know you better. If someone is genuinely interested in you, they will make the effort to get you to open up. Also, shy people have an air of mystery about them.     I think guys are more interesting when they are a little bit shy. I'm less likely to approach someone who is loud & outgoing because I find people like that a little bit intimidating. 

Shy people are not snobby...and it hurts our feelings when people assume we are snobby because we aren't apt to strike up a conversation. I try very hard to be friendly & sweet to strangers because I'm terrified of being written off as a big fat snob. I also assume someone who keeps to themselves is shy rather than snobby. More often than not, I'm right about their shyness. Maybe it's easier for fellow shy girls to recognize each other. It takes time & patience to overcome extreme shyness. There was once a time in my life when I was even too shy to order my tickets at the movie theatre. I also have dozens of stories where I froze up when it was my turn to order at the restaurant. If you're outgoing, it probably sounds pretty ridiculous to be so overwhelmingly shy that you avoid certain situations & try your hardest to be invisible. If you're shy, you can definitely relate. The best advice I can give to someone struggling with shyness is to be patient with yourself. If you're frustrated with your shyness, take baby steps to break out of your comfort zone. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't comfortable with certain situations. 

If you struggle with shyness, I would love to hear about how you deal with it.

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39 Quirky Comments

  1. I think it's really awesome that you write about your shyness. I have never had a problem with shyness myself but several of friends have shy problems. Reading your blog helps me to be more understanding to them when they feel shy about something.

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  2. I know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend always says 'just don't be shy'.. that's so annoying.

    I think the worst thing people can say to you when you're shy is 'just act like you're confident and you will be' .. but it's not as easy as that!

    Anywayy it's nice to hear other people think the same as me - so I'm not all alone!

    Love your blog :) xx

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  3. I can totally relate to this. I still hate making phone calls, or ordering food & stuff. I just feel so...exposed. I don't really have a particular way of dealing with things, I just kind of had to start doing it after I moved out of my parents place - no more Mum to make the phone calls, lol.

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  4. I used to have a huge problem with my shyness as well! Like you, I envied friends who're really outgoing because it seems everyone flocks to them. I hated myself for being shy. I once told a friend, "wouldn't your friends get annoyed with you for bringing along a mute shy girl(me) who only smiles and don't talk?". He answered, "What's wrong with just smiling, it's not that bad sometimes.". That was when I realised that I'm not as bad as I thought I was, it's my self-confidence that needs working on.

    I'm not sure about your religion, but for me, knowing that God has created me to be exactly the way I am helps a lot. Also, I will ask myself if I will regret if I walk away from any conversation not saying what I have to say, just because of my fear/shyness. If I will, then I will force myself to speak up. It's not easy, I'm still rather shy, especially when meeting people, but I've learnt to love myself and deal with my shyness.

    So, I guess, I just want to tell you, embrace your shyness, but don't let it handicap you! You're special, unique and beautiful the way you are! :)

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  5. It's really awesome that you write about your shyness. I agree that there aren't enough shy bloggers online. :)

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  6. Jacque I really like that you open up about shyness, I think it's important for people to feel like someone relates to them. While I'm not shy myself, my mom and sister are. Sometimes, it would be hard for me to relate to my little sister because she would get so nervous around large groups of people. Plus, I think it's intimidating when a really extroverted person tries to start conversations with people who are shy. I think extroverted people need to keep in mind that shy people need to be eased into things and not forced into situations that make them uncomfortable, at least that's what I have learned. Plus, sometimes it's best not to go in guns blazing, rock on shy people

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  7. I could write forever about this subject. You put it into words perfectly. I was sheltered for a lot of my life and I think that contributed greatly to how shy I have always been. I can not open up to someone even if Ive known them for years unless I instantly like them upon meeting them. I hate parties I hate big groups of people. Strangers terrify me. I get such bad anxiety before going out sometimes that I end up not going. It sucks and its really hard to deal with sometimes but like you said people who are outgoing just dont get it. Ive been made fun of all my life for how shy I am but its not something I can help.
    I feel completely comfortable with maybe a handful of people and those are the only people I can bear being around lately.

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  8. I'm so glad you wrote this, I am terribly shy. I hope I'm a little better now but I feel it has hindered me a lot. My siblings are always surrounded by people and most of the time I just prefer to be on my own. The worse thing is that people do tend to think I am stuck up and then they probably realise I've have trouble speaking. I act a lot now, once the words come out I can usually keep it up. Being shy is so tiring for me, I spend ages thinking of the best sentence to come out with and end up sending like a knob probably. Eurgh, it's nice to get it out.

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  9. I tend to be very shy around people who are obviously outgoing, but I am not very shy around other shy people - I guess I can tell that we are the same and that somebody needs to break the awkwardness? I do not know :)

    These days I tend to be shyest at work, where I have to make phone calls and meet lots of new people - something that makes me freeze up a lot and sometimes freak out. But because it's at work, to move past it I sort of put on a new persona - rather than being Steph Jinx (the young crazy girl seeking adventures) I become Ms Kukula - the young efficient business woman confidently making her way through the world! It sounds a bit silly but I guess it's like "fake it til you make it". :P

    I think this is my first comment, and I'd just like to say that I love your blog! As soon as I found it I had to read through all of the archives. Your joy makes me happy. :)

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  10. I've had confidence problems since school, and it is hard. Especially as I'm at drama school, everyone has such big personalities! In my report every teacher said that in order to improve I need to get better I need to gain confidence... although difficult to do, it's the push I've needed. Even though it's frightening, just thinking 'whats the worst that could happen?' before you do it helps enormously, just volunteering to do something first, something that makes you feel uncomfortable. The other day we had to get up, nothing prepared at all, and improvise a monologue. I was terrified, but the feeling of accomplishment afterwards was huge! xx

    www.whatadilemma.blogspot.com

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  11. Great blog entry! I enjoyed reading this as I am a fellow shy girl. God bless! Keep up the beautiful blog writing. ;) It's truly an encouragement.

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  12. well i man extremle shy too. idont have a lot of at all, and i nver had bf either , sometimes i just tell myself ehh im a cancer , i cant be different lol, and i rly hate when otherr people says dont be shy !! gosh if they were only now hoew damn hard is this !! ... i like ur blog btw .
    i feel much better now to let it go :) xoxox

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  13. I am so glad that i found your blog!:) I am extremely shy myself. I have been shy ever since I entered school, because I wasn't used to being around people my own age. I have always had trouble making friends and people have asked often why i never talk. I also sense that alot of people I go to school with have either thought of me as snobby or a b****, and I am SOO not like that, but I have also come to realize that being shy is who I am and at least i truley know who I am and the people that care about me do too and that's all that matters!:) Your blog was very helpful!

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  14. I am shy, but most people think I'm arrogant because I am usually very quiet. Love your blog btw.

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  15. i love your post! im deathly shy as you discussed and unfortunately at the point in my life where i have to discover what i want to do (career wise). im stuck! off all these posts, what jobs do you guys have?? and what job can you recommend. i just want to go to school and get a job where i dont really have to force myself not to be shy. that's such a hassle :/

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  16. I just wrote a similar post and found yours - good to know we're not alone :)
    http://raggedblossomhandmade.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/return-of-the-shy-girl/

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  17. I'm shy with my boyfriend. what do i do?

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  18. i hate the fact that I'm always shy whenever my boyfriend and i are alone, i mean i know I'm only 11 and hes 14 but whenever my bestfriend is around, i don't get shy. Whenever shes around,i feel like hes just a friend because i stop getting that shy feeling of mine. What can i do?

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  19. Gahhh! Being shy sucks! I have a theory; once you have a child all shyness vanishes (have you ever seen a shy parent?) so I'll just have a baby at 16 and everything will be fine...

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  20. I'm 17, 18 soon and i've always struggled with being shy. My sisters outgoing so she never has understood it. What you wrote here totally relates to me, It's so hard to overcome it and it's hard to deal with and accept that this is part of who you are..

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  21. Hi
    I love ur blog. I dont know if u read all of your comments, but if you do I would love for you, or anyone to reply to katieellis880@gmail.com.

    Like you i am now shy and i wish i could just snap out of it, but i cant.

    At primary school i had a small year (only 20) students (8 girls.) I used to be the popular kid who everyone would ask to sit with and ask for help with their problems. However, i get very shy when i meet new people. And i only was confident around them because we met when i was little.

    Im now in my first year of secondary school and struggling.

    In my form i have two amazing friends (1 of whom is from my primary school and 1 new) and 5 friends who i feel i hardly know but i dont see them during school time because i am in my teaching group.

    I didnt know anyone in my teaching group when i joined, but i followed a friend's friend. I was to shy to talk to people from the start and simply avoid questions or answered with a nod or a shake. When i cant im so shy that i just shrug because im scared people will judge me, even if i have an answer to give. I dont put my hand up in class and the teachers dont even notice me, so i never get picked on.

    In someways its best to be shy because noone in my teaching group notices me so they dont joke about me and i dont have any enemies. Sometimes i just feel like im going to burst inside, because i dont feel like i can even tell my old friends my situation.

    Whenever i can i just have to get away because im scared to be myself around these people. I spend my whole school day in silence-im that scared, and its stsrting to get to me.

    I have two bffs, who hate eachother. One is not a feelings sort of person and is more interested in gossip and boys and the other is nice confident and out going. The confident one is always surrounded by people because she is so popular and we never have time alone anymore. I only see her once or twice a week. We used to have txt conversations but then she got a blackberry and i dont so she uses bbm (which i dont have) ive changed so much since the last time we even had a proper conversation (which was like, 3months ago) because im still maturing (im only12) and she doesnt even know me and wat im into anymore.

    I know people can have more than 1bff but i feel like ive lost or im losing my bestest bff (the popular one.)

    It feels good to talk-even online :( because i cant even tell my parents or sis about it-they dont even have time for me anymore.

    Idont mind talkin 2 u coz i dont know u - i think i have confrontational isues or something

    Tell me wat u think.

    PS: sorry if ive bored u but i had to get it out before i pick up my false smile and walkout the door.

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  22. I understand because you feel like you want to talk and you just don't know what people would think and you become super nervous, It's hard 4 me to make friends but I think if I seek some type of help I could probly make it through
    You Rock

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  23. Hey so I'm really shy...I'm sure people think I'm arrogant because I don't just go up and talk to people. Also guys just don't come up to me and talk to me. wondering if they're just intimidated? I've been told I'm so sweet. Nobody ever asks me out but sometimes I think people like me?..Am I intimidating them?I don't think I'm ugly

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  24. Hey, I love your blog! As a shy person myself, I have been through similar things. Sometimes it feels like things that are supposed to be simple are just so hard.

    I actually started my own blog about my shyness and social anxiety and I mentioned this page in my post. You can check it out. If you want :)

    http://shygirladventurer.blogspot.com/

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  25. Hi, I can totally relate to your post. Growing up, people would ALWAYS comment on how quiet I was. All those would make me feel as if there was something wrong with me. I think that this contributed to my low esteem and confidence. I'm 19 now and still shy and quiet despite the hope that I would outgrow it. Like you, I'm learning to embrace my shyness and quietness - it's just who I am and I'm done with being made to feel inferior for it.

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  26. Hi, your blog is wonderful.
    I am dealing with my shyness since last 20 years.
    I was a very studious person in my college, I never had many friends, I have only 1 friend whom I call once a month.
    It’s hard for me to get along with people quickly or fear that people are very judgmental.
    I worked as software techie for 3 years I was doing excellent in my carrier (Won many awards)
    I got married 4 years back and came to USA on dependent visa. Since last 4 years I am staying alone at home for 10-12 hours. I go out once a week for groceries.
    I have No confidence left, now due to my husband’s visa change, I am on EAD and my husband wants me to resume my carrier ASAP. I am finding it very difficult and dealing with pressure every day.
    It’s hard for people to understand what I am going through. I am very much happy and open with my parents since I feel only my parents understand me

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  27. I absolutely love this blog. I have struggled with shyness all my life. With time, it has gotten slightly better. At nearly 26, I have overcome some challenges and learned a lot. But like you and many others who have left their comments, I still struggle. I am extremely blessed to have a partner who is the complete opposite of me, so we in turn complete one another. I am an intro, he is an extrovert. My parents have always been there to understand me, however friends and acquaintances somehow tend to get the wrong impression of me. Because it is hard for me to start/carry on a conversation, people tend to think I am merely an arrogant person and are "too good" to talk to them. When really, I am accepting of all people and my heart is too big for me to handle at times.

    I would love to hear from others who have gone through these same issues. -Mandy

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  28. I love how positive you are about shyness. I think outgoing people tend to believe that shy people are rude, or like you said, snobby, but that's just not true. Shy people are just shy, and it has nothing to do with shy people not liking other people.

    I also liked what you said about how outgoing people can be intimidating. I agree! I definitely tend to befriend shy people more often than outgoing people. They're just more approachable!

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  29. Everything you wrote about I feel the exact same way I'm so serious , I'm shy around people when I'm at school I don't won't to eat I'm front of people , when I have a bf it doesn't last cause they think I'm too shy , people don't understand me , my familys always saying stop being so shy whenever I don't won't to go no where or be around a large group of people but they don't know what I go through and the fact that I can't help it makes me mad when people do say stuff like that , when I go somewhere people think I'm mean and upright but really I'm not and I'm trying to deal with it by not caring what people think and trying to pray to god that he delievers me from it cause its really messing up my life .

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  30. I love your blog and I totally related to this. There are people that I know kept asking me why im shy and quiet.they dont understand how I feel. I dont like to talk in front of people and making phone calls cause im shy. Right now im still shy girl but thats how God made me.but im not the only shy person in this world are like that.

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  31. I love your blog! When I was younger I was really outgoing and I talked a lot but now I'm very quiet and prefer to be alone. Kids at my school think I hate everyone or am very surprised when I carry on a conversation. I have been looking for a shy persons blog to see if anyone would write about it and I am just really excited to read your blog!! So thank you for writing!!!!!

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  32. Thank you so much, this Blog has helped me a lot. I'm a freshman in high school and everyday I wake up I struggle thinking about the thoughts of speaking in front of people, I use to think that there was something really wrong with me because even just reading a paragraph or a sentence in class would make me have a lot of anxiety and I could feel my heart race. Most of the time I feel like people don't understand me, they think I dont like them or they think im trying to act better than them, but really i'm just super introverted and insecure about everything.

    Sometimes I get really depressed because I have so many thoughts in my head but I never tell anyone, I feel trapped sometimes because I feel like nobody gets what im going through. My sister has always been super outgoing, I feel like im always in her shadow. I feel unnoticed, during class i feel like a kid that should be sitting by themselves in a corner because i hate when people look at me.

    Sometimes i wish i could change, even though i know im born this way. I get lonely sometimes

    -Abbie.

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  33. thanks.. atleast some one understands what it is like to be shy .. being a shy teenager is really a struggle.. people expect you to be outgoing but what they don't realize is that people are different .. i sometimes even fear walking to my classes coz i feel people are staring at me .. but despite all this i think being shy is just a gift from god and one must accept it and appreciate it.

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  34. Hi Jacque!
    I just came across your blog by accident and I'm so glad I did! I have a huge problem with shyness as well and tried so many things to change who I am. It's hard and I've got the feeling that my shyness only gets worse. I don't have any close friends, I always believe that I am not worth spending time with because I don't do crazy stuff and I don't talk much. I would like to start my own blog about my life as a shy person, hoping it might help me cope better and accept myself. Thank you for the inspiration!

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  35. OMG....shyness makes your life so difficult. Its like you cant even make a conversation, words dont come because you cant get inspiration to talk about anything.Being shy makes people think you are boring and eventually they leave. If you try to change your ways with them they just wont notice, they will always think that you are that shy girl who they cant even talk to. Thats a problem because you will never get the confidence to be outgoing , not even with new people.thats why im stressed with my shyness...

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  36. I think I got over my shyness by learning how to laugh at myself!

    Because I think that's what shyness boils down to - a fear of being mocked or ridiculed.

    And then as I got older, I realized that when I'm being laughed at, people are not being mean or hurtful intentionally. So I learned to laugh at myself, and not take things to heart. I'm still shy now, but it isn't as painful as it used to be (:

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  37. Thank you! This blog helped me realise a lot about myself and the person i am. My shyness is an everyday struggle for me. I've been in so many situations where people were telling me to stop being shy. Even my teachers write comments on my report card about me being too shy. What i hate most about my shyness is the fact that the first word people use to describe me is usually "shy" or "quiet". it makes me so mad!! And for some strange reason people who don't struggle with shyness think that shy people just don't have anything to say or don't like talking. I actually love to talk. I just only talk a lot when i'm around my family or my friends. I guess big groups of people who i don't know well just make me uncomfortable.Your blog showed me to stop caring about what other people think and how to start embracing who i am :)

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  38. Hey Jacque,
    Ah. I totally love that you're addressing this. It's true, so few people speak about their shyness, yet it's something that holds so many people back because they think that they need to be the loudest voice to be successful. (One of the reasons I love the book "Quiet")... I just posted an article on Great Jobs for Shy People that I thought you'd like: http://findsocialfreedom.com/top-10-jobs-for-shy-people-to-make-money/

    My girlfriend and I help people who are shy to find social confidence, so I love hearing about people who find their voice and share this very very common experience with others. THANK YOU.

    Love to hear your feedback too, and anything I can offer that may help.
    Your friend,
    David

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  39. I am naturally shy, i defeated some of my shyness by getting interests, deciding that bullies should be ignored. I became shy due to being bullied and it made me lack self confidence. I find men like to talk about sports and films. Try getting interests, such as learning a language or collections. Obviously women do not like to talk to me about my collections of war medals. But more interests you have the more interesting you can be.

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Thank you so very much for your lovely comments!