Living in the Moment: Why I Chose Positivity Over Despair

Friday, September 16, 2011

I've been blogging officially for two years today. I didn't start blogging publicly until much later, but I started my adventure in writing two years ago. Happy Birthday, A Quirky Girl's Thoughts. You really saved my life. I've never really detailed why I started blogging, and I feel like it's the right time to do so. I owe it to myself to open up to you, sort of like a little session of therapy for a girl who has been hiding behind an emotional barricade for too long. 

A lot of people don't know that I've struggled with anxiety for many years. About two years ago, I started getting really sick. I lost my appetite for life, my anxiety had me sleeping only a few hours every night, and I felt depressed all the time. If you know anything about me, you know that I'm a very optimistic person. I've have always been that girl who sees a ray of hope in the direst of situations. My family relies on my positive outlook and my ability to problem solve without losing my faith in the beauty of life.

With all of that in mind, my behavior was very uncharacteristic of who I really am. When I was about 19, I went to see a family practice doctor about my anxiety. She asked me a few questions about my lifestyle, and I explained that I was a music & theatre major with a lot of obligations on my plate. If any of you study music or theatre, you know what I'm talking about. The doctor told me I needed to eat more calories and get more sleep. She sent me out the door with a pamphlet on nutrition and a handful of sleeping pills.  

Two years passed, and I was a reck. I was sick all the time, and most of my friends were too busy to notice how depressed I was. I must admit now that I frequently put on a happy face for most of my friends and they probably just didn't know what I going through because I didn't let anyone in. I'm still working on tearing down the wall of impenetrable bricks that I built around myself. I didn't want sympathy from anyone because I just wanted to deal with my situation on my own. Growing up in a divorced family made me very independent and emotionally unavailable in my relationships. I didn't want to do anything but sleep during the day and my anxiety was causing intense panic attacks and sleepless nights.

My mom started to notice that I was struggling when I couldn't get out of bed for class. She immediately made an appointment with her family practice doctor and I was seen that day. After a few months of seeing several different specialists, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease and a disorder of the metabolism. I was only 23 years old when I found out that I had a chronic illness that would never go away for the rest of my life.

Rather than fall into despair, I decided to start an online journal. I wanted to create a safe haven for myself filled with positive thoughts and an abundant amount of love. After a semester away from class, I felt well enough to go back to school. I started blogging for an audience, reading other blogs, and meeting other inspiring & lovely bloggers out there. I was met with a world of love & support. I have learned so many amazing things from other blog authors and from my own writing endeavors. Being a writer has given me the confidence to stand up for myself and find my own voice in the world.

Two years whizzed past and here I am today. Quirky, still. Vivacious, brave, confident, bursting with positivity, and splendidly imperfect. I've learned how to really love myself and accept who I am, even when it feels nearly impossible.  I still view myself as a little cookie baking away in the oven of life. I may never be perfect or work through all of my issues, but I'm hell-bent on living life in the moment and loving every minute of it. 

That's my story!

Lots of love & positivity!

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13 Quirky Comments

  1. It's amazing to find people i can relate to. Your blog definitely inspires me to stay positive in working through my own issues.

  2. Your story is very inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I have testing anxiety and I know how it feels to be panicking all the time.

  3. Happy birthday A Quirky Girls Thoughts! Im so glad you started a blog its one of the reasons I started blogging! Because your blog always gives me.inspiration... And because of it I not only started talking to you but I made a super awesome friend! I love u!

  4. What is the name of your AID? I have read the name here once but could not find it for the life of me. Also, sorry for posting anonymously couldn't log in to google. Thanks Heather

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think many of us who work hard to shine a light do it to counter the darkness that is inside us. I know I do. You are so lovely, and your blog is a light in my life.

  6. Hey Jacque, I'm a firm reader of your blog, and I must say this entry was very inspirational, and definitely one of your best. Thanks for making me realise that no matter how bad things are, I should never give up. Looking forward to the next entry ;)

  7. Wow!first of all, happy birthday for your blog, it's really fine to read something about a girl that you don't knew very well, but who can inspire you and gives you advices of "how can I do it with my blog" to be sucessful...
    Your story is so emotional and sad, but with a brilliant end, you write what you're thinking about, you inspire a lots of people and you're still happy, trying to do it as well as you can, I'm so proud of people like you...and I want to be a sucessful blogger as you. Thank you so much for let us read your posts, and just go on! I'll be here always reading your posts with positivity and love. Xo!!

  8. Inspiration in a post <3 lots of love your latest follower xx - please take a glance!

  9. Happy birthday to your blog, Jacque! And thanks for this wonderful post—you never fail to inspire your readers! xo

  10. I'm loving your blog and follow each post on bloglovin' :)

    Keep the great posts coming!

  11. Hi there-I just stumbled across your blog tonight and I'm touched that this was the first thing I read. What an inspiring story. The blogging world truly is something special--a safe haven of supporters and listeners! Happy birthday to your adorable blog, and I can't wait to be a new follower. :)

  12. Thank you for sharing your story :) Everytime I read of someone's life story ( even if a piece of it), it makes want to inspire and share my thoughts as well :)


Thank you so very much for your lovely comments!