Take the First StepFriday, November 01, 2013
Clickity clackity click clack click...the sound of typing is a little bit foreign to me. It has literally been months since I have opened my laptop or typed anything of some substance. I just woke up out of a restless sleep and felt compelled to reunite with my long lost blog. I'm not sure why I suddenly stopped blogging. It's almost as if I just couldn't muster the energy to compose any of my thoughts.
I have been struggling with stress, anxiety, and some chronic stomach issues. As some of you know, I suffer from an autoimmune disease. For the past couple of months, I feel like I have been in self-preservation mode. Chronic fatigue, stomach aches, and anxiety have plagued me for years, but I have always been talented at coping. One day a few months ago, I just snapped and gave up on anything excessive. I stopped reading my favorite blogs, I completely gave up on blogging, and I even stopped taking any photos. A strange depression hit me like a ton of bricks and I have been struggling to pull myself out of it ever since. This all may sound kind of strange, but I just want to be honest and up front.
My health is in a constant state of flux. I can feel fine one day and completely rotten in an instant. I trudge through bad days and rough patches. I hide my illness at work and keep a brave face on most of the time for my family. I don't want the burden of my illness to fully impact anyone else. I am always trying to just "be okay" in order to make it through a normal day. And while this isn't the most horrific life or illness in the world, it can be almost overwhelming at times for me. Sometimes the never-ending pain and fatigue is just too much.
And right now while I am composing this, there is a nagging voice in my head that tells me to stop whining. I'm not the type to constantly moan and complain. I keep my strength by focusing on the positive. But sometimes, that is just not enough. Sometimes you can just be grumpy, have a crappy day, admit that things are not wonderful, and just be okay with not being okay.
It's been a challenge in the past to write about the normalities of my daily life. The negative side of my illness, the stress of being the main bread winner for my family, and the overwhelming anxiety I have every night. But I really want to be more open. I want to bring more of the real me to this safe place. I would like to say that I have a master plan to bring my blog back to life, but I really just have an overwhelming desire to write. I want to just share my life, interests, and shortcomings with you on a daily basis.
Truth time: I'm not the best at following through with my goals and plans. Actually, I really suck at following through. But I want to be better about holding myself accountable for my goals. Today is the first day in November, and I am challenging myself to share something on this blog every single day of this month.
I'm actually so thrilled to finally break the silence on this blog. Perhaps no one has noticed my absence, but I have truly felt a deep longing in my heart for my lovely little blog since I fell off the face of the internet a several months ago. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams with ideas.
If you are struggling to make a blog comeback, I would love to hear from you. Actually, I would love to hear from you regardless. I would like to thanks those of you who have sent me encouraging emails. It truly helped me climb out of the doldrums and return to my blog.
Hope you have a day filled with many reasons to be thankful,