A Quirky UpdateMonday, June 08, 2015
I am preparing for some major changes in my life. I am going to be a teacher this coming fall. I was hired as a high school Theatre and Speech teacher. This news came right before Zeth graduated with his Master's Degree in Speech Language Pathology. He started a new job in early childhood intervention last week. We are moving an hour away from Amarillo at the end of the summer to be closer to my school. My excitement is paired with my anxiety for change. I am doing my best to be patient with myself and ease into these positive changes.
I feel myself changing internally as well. There is a small voice in my head constantly being quelled that wants me to cherish every simple moment and appreciate the small things. To smell daffodils, smile at strangers, enjoy the taste of food, breathe in the smell of rain, get lost in the sounds of my favorite music, and just be fully present for my life. I have been shutting off my phone and truly investing myself in conversations with people. I have been making an effort to ask people how they are and listen to them for a legitimate response. I have been turning off the television to engross myself in the world of a good book. I have even started drawing and sketching again. I feel like I am coming back to life, almost like someone set me on autopilot and I am awakening. Metamorphosis has always been an important part of my life. I never want to stop growing, learning, and changing.
This past week, I have focused my energy on gratitude. This is not always easy, yet it helps me to focus on what truly matters. Even the small details of my day can give me a reason to be grateful. I ate a green apple this morning and thought of a list of adjectives to describe my experience. How delicious yet tart the apple tasted. How much I enjoyed the crispy texture. All of these little moments make up the bigger picture and it's important for my happiness to relish them all. My biggest goal right now is to be fully present for life. I don't want something extraordinary to pass me by because I was too distracted to notice.
I feel like stress and the pressures of the adult world have changed me negatively in some ways. My patience and compassion for others is often lacking. My patience and kindness towards myself is even less. When I was in high school, I went to State UIL for my oratory speech about kindness. It was a simple and naive idea. I quoted Ghandi and spoke passionately about the importance of being kind. I was teased and bullied in school, yet I wanted to be like Anne Frank and see the good in everyone. It was the best version of myself that I could ever envision. One day, I will find that part of myself again. I know that dreamer is still in there somewhere.
I am challenging myself to be more observant this week. I want to notice all of the details and look at things with fresh eyes. I'm also trying to drink more water. What are you challenging yourself to do this week?